Robert Alexander Bulman

7th September 1981 – 30th June 2019

In thanksgiving for the life

of a dearly loved Son and Brother

Funeral Service at

Easthampstead Park Crematorium, Wokingham

2:30pm 17^th July 2019

Order of Service

Entrance Music: Barber’s Adagio for Strings by Academy of St. Martin in the Fields (YouTube)

Committal

Committal Music: Into the West sung by Annie Lennox (YouTube)

Followed by music to mark the end of the service.

Leaving Music: Flying (From E.T.) by John Williams (YouTube)

After the Service

Rob’s family invites everyone to share their memories of Rob over refreshments which will be served at:

The Golden Retriever, Nine Mile Ride, Wokingham, RG40 3DF

Rob’s family wishes to express their sincere thanks and appreciation for the kindness and sympathy shown to them in their sad bereavement.

Any donations in Robert’s memory to:

The Royal Berks Charity

https://www.royalberkscharity.co.uk/, or

The Duchess of Kent Hospice, Reading

https://www.sueryder.org/how-we-can-help/duchess-of-kent-hospice, or

Macmillan Cancer Support

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/donate

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Funeral Speech

Given by Carol, Robert’s mother.

Walking in music:

Adagio for Strings by Samuel Barber, played by the Academy of St. Martin in the Fields (YouTube)

(from the soundtrack to the film Platoon)

Thank you all for coming to Robert’s funeral.

Before we start I should let you know that we have arranged this service ourselves. So it may be a little different from other funerals you have attended…possibly because there may be a few technical hitches … because we are not really familiar with the audio visual system 🙂 , and also because we haven’t had a rehearsal.

Can you hear me at the back?

However, like most funerals, it is simply an opportunity to celebrate Robert’s life and to thank the people who supported him during his illness.

So… Don’t worry… Let’s talk about Robert…

Although he was not a church goer, Robert was a thoughtful, spiritual person, who was sympathetic to religious teachings. And this hymn, Amazing Grace, reflects on those sympathies.

I’m sure you all know the tune.

Music: traditional instrumental version of Amazing Grace

Robert was taken ill last July and diagnosed with terminal Lung Cancer. He was unable to return to work then and so he spent the last 10 months of his life at home and receiving palliative treatment at the Royal Berkshire Hospital.

On the Chemotherapy ward we got to know lots of the regular patients and, surprisingly, this was a strangely happy place as one of the slides shows.

I would like to thank all the lovely staff on the Royal Berks Hospital, King Edward 6^th Chemotherapyward as well as the lovely staff in Radiotherapy, and the Macmillan nurses without whose constant support we could not have managed.

I would also like to thank Robert’s father Peter for his support during that time. He travelled from Essex to attend all the consultant’s clinics, he visited Rob in hospital and at home every week (usually with a fantastic cake made by him or his wife Jill) and for supplying Rob with exceptionally horrible socks for his visits to hospital.

But there was so much more to Robert than his illness…

In his childhood, there was Robert the child with many obsessions. Almost every Summer there was a new one. One of his first obsessions was when he learned to wink. He winked in almost all his holiday photos. He would wink at anyone and everyone. Some strangers found this rather disturbing in a small child. 🙂

Then, another Summer, after he had learned to walk, he became Robert the collector of small objects – usually stones or sticks. So every walk we took involved Rob leading miles ahead, or trailing miles behind, collecting things.

And that led to Robert the hoarder, who kept his collection of found objects for years, refusing to let me throw anything away.

Other obsessions included sticking his tongue out when it was windy and then, another year, saluting for every photograph.

In his working life Robert was a landscape gardener and his great good fortune was to work with Liam, a great role model and an expert in hard landscaping. They worked together for many years and Robert learned so much from him (and some of the slides show Rob and Liam working on various jobs).

When Robert was ill, Liam visited Rob at home and they loved to chat about old jobs they had worked on and the many animals they had rescued during the course of their work. (One of the slides is of Liam with a toad they had found and rescued.)

So there are lots of jobs which serve as reminders of Rob. Wherever Rob and I drove together, every few minutes he would say ‘Liam and I did a job there’ – and he would point to a drive that they had laid, or a wall that they had built, or a patio that had been commissioned. So much remains by which we can remember Rob.

So there are many reasons to celebrate Rob’s life; including Robert’s work and Liam’s friendship.

Robert was also a great reader. Recently, we were reading The Hobbit but we never got to finish the book. But don’t worry – we did know the ending 🙂 – we had both read it many times.

Now my son James is going to read a poem that Robert loved, taken from The Hobbit:

Part of Roads Go Ever On by J. R. R. Tolkien

So, there was Robert the gardener, and Robert the reader, and there was also Robert the thinker who had a keen interest in all current affairs and an opinion on everything! (including Brexit!) We won’t say any more about that 🙂

After Robert was unable to continue working, many friends comforted and supported him. As you can imagine, it is not easy to support a friend who has a terminal illness…

To those friends, Robert’s family say “thank you all for your courage and your friendship”.

I will only single out one person, a friend from his school days, Tom, who really went above and beyond in his efforts to support Rob.

Despite long days and the demands of a young family, Tom visited Rob and helped me whenever he could. He sometimes brought his young daughter with him and she never seemed to notice Rob’s bald head or how ill he was.

It was lovely to see her. You should be proud of her and yourself, Tom.

Real friends. This is another reason to celebrate Rob’s life.

Eventually Robert needed constant nursing and my son James came home from Edinburgh to help me until the Sue Ryder people secured a place for Rob in the Duchess of Kent Hospice in Reading.

James has been constant support throughout Rob’s illness, driving up and down from Edinburgh every fortnight, taking him out in his wheelchair and playing computer games with him in the evenings over the internet.

James has been the quiet “rock” in the background, always there when needed.

James and Robert drew ever closer in this last year.

Precious times together: That’s another cause for celebration.

So let’s remember Rob the gardener, the reader, the opinion giver, and Robert the avid (and really talented) video game player. Robert was also a talented photographer and his photos of plants and wildlife were really rather thoughtful and special. Just like Robert himself.

So let’s think about Robert during the next piece of music. This is another piece Robert loved taken from The Lord of the Rings. It’s called: Into the West.

Committal Music:

Into the West sung by Annie Lennox. (YouTube)

(from the soundtrack to the film The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King)

I hope you have appreciated this service which we have tried to make a special tribute to Rob.

And if at some point in the future, you have a chance to support Macmillan or Sue Ryder, I can assure you that they do marvellous work.

You are all welcome to refreshments at The Golden Retriever pub which is just a few minutes away. There is a map on the back of your Order of Service but basically it’s just:

Go down the long driveway back to the main road and turn left. Then, after a few minutes, it’s on your right, but not the first turning because the first turning is actually an exit (which is one way). So you need to carry on a few yards to the second turning, which is the entrance.

There will be two Books of Condolence for you to sign at the pub. One for me and one for his father. If you can’t think of anything to write, or just want a little more time, just sign the book. The you can email the words to me later and I will write them for you on the page you signed.

And that’s the end! Thank you all for coming.

Walking out music:

The Flying Theme by John Williams

(from the soundtrack to the film E.T. the Extra-terrestial) (YouTube)

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